xlilclurr

Yellow Butterfly by Meg & Dia

I love this song.

She was just five years old. 
A slightly moody day. 
She couldn’t stay away, from that rivers edge and I. 
I turn my back to count. 
All the daffodil seas that surrounded. 
I close my eyes, and then heard the water wake up. 

And I, I can still hear that scream, It’s still lingering, in the air, everywhere. 
“Mother, please save me, grab my hand” (I can’t I can’t) 
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves. Baby please, breath for me, give me time I am here. 

Where did you go? 
Where’d you go? 
Where’d you go? 
Hey, where’d you go? 

Were the angels that lonely? 
Couldn’t they suffice for anybody else? 
Can’t everybody just lie to me. 
She’s home, she’s home. Crying for me now. 
Every night on a Monday, I will visit the same spot that I hate. 
Yes the place that baby loved, and now she can taste it, oh it took her away. 

It’s been five years since then. 
And when it hits September.. 
I’ll feel like I’m dying again. 
Ian still won’t even talk to me, talk to me! 
Isn’t this pain, guilt enough? 
I can’t even look out the window, without seeing reflections distorted in the sun. 

(Repeat: And I can still hear that scream…) 

And the pain hits me like gunshot. 
And I’m heading on the way to the floor, I hear her name and it kills me. 
Oh, Bottles up, Bottles up, Bottles up. 

And I’m trying my best to hurt me. 
Ian says it’s never enough. 
A razor to the wrist for each unshed tear, cough it up, drink it up, drink it up. 


So I had a coma, when I crashed my car in the lake. 
I saw your face down there I knew, it was not a mistake. 
So I went to the doctor. I told him, oh my heart will break, If I couldn’t see you. He just, gave me more pills. 

But, I saw you up there. 
Still floating by the river. 
God, you always loved that river. 
I bet your heaven looks just like it. 

Then I’ll like it too, even though it scares me now. 
But when I’m with you. 
I’ll be just fine, I’ll be just fine. 

We can sit, we can talk about, talk about…Butterflies. Butterflies. Butterflies.

“I hate it when my anger turns to tears”

:/

I had a dream last night that was really weird… but I’m suree that none of you care or even read this. :)

In other news.

My birthday is this week. People better show me how much they love me. Or I’ll really feel alone..

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I feel so lonely…. and useless & worthless.

I need a hug?

Setting Up Sunday

I swear I have “Use me” “Replace Me” “Forget about me” and “Don’t give a fuckin shit about me” written on my fuckin forehead.
I try so hard for everyone I care about and I just feel like giving up.
I feel like not talking to anyone unless they talk to me or ask me their questions…
I just feel like no one cares anymore.

Replaced. 

but i don’t know what i want..

I dont like this feeling
i want it to go away ….

I need to post more… sorry !

Ahh. It seems I’ve given up on tumblr, but trust me I haven’t! :( But I did pass up on that song of the day challenge thing. can’t do that everyday. hahaha. i know, i know, i’m lame.

i changed my tumblr url.. and my theme. i get bored easily. and i’m a nerd. :] haha. well a lot of stuff has been happening lately.. school… horses. friends.. boys… everything all at once! and my 17TH BIRTHDAY is next Thursday!!! :) I’m so excited. I’m trying to make plans with my friends for the whole weekend and go to the barn, too. it should be a lot of fun. (: I’m excited !

I finished my science fair project today. yepp.. fun stuff. lol and there was The Hills marathon this weekend!!! Though I missed the premiere on tuesday, even though there wasn’t a new episode of LOST. :(

Okay! Bed now. I promise i’ll update a lot more ~

Horse show this weekend!

I had a horse show this weekend at Amber Hill. And it was a lot of fun! :)) I have another one next weekend at Hazelwild! Sunday was very good and we placed in all of our classes. We got two 5ths and two 6ths. She got 5th out of 10 in the walk/trot!!! :D Can’t wait for next weekend. :]